


ready 4 love

by strwbrryblond



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race (US) RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, Oneshot, Pining, been thinking about t saying she couldn't imagine k in love far too much, but not a lot, i watched the newest unhhhh ep and this is what happened, kind of, one-sided
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:13:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27951347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strwbrryblond/pseuds/strwbrryblond
Summary: When she suddenly decided that she wanted to fall in love (in the next two months), there was definitely some confusion from her friends.After she changed her twitter bio, Violet had texted her saying “Girl aren’t you already in love? Lol.” Katya had threatened to block her before sending, “With someone that loves me back bitch.”
Relationships: Trixie Mattel/Katya Zamolodchikova
Comments: 3
Kudos: 47





	ready 4 love

**Author's Note:**

> okay so i started this not intending for it to get past my notes app for me to read at 2 am and think about how much t&k love each other, and then BOOM the "ready 4 love" episode came out and this came rattling out of my little pea brain. 
> 
> it is kind of short, and i haven't written or posted any fic in literal years so this could be *jasmine masters voice* trash, but i hope that someone likes it :-)
> 
> she/her pronouns for katya and he/him pronouns for trixie.

Katya wasn’t a love person. That's what she had always told everyone. She preferred to dine and dash, so to speak. And for the first thirty-odd years of her life, she convinced everyone in her life (and herself) that it was true, she wasn’t good at love, she wasn’t a person who liked relationships. 

So, when she suddenly decided that she wanted to fall in love (in the next two months), there was definitely some confusion from her friends.

After she changed her twitter bio, Violet had texted her saying “Girl aren’t you already in love? Lol.” Katya had threatened to block her before sending back “With someone that loves me back bitch.” 

Okay, so anyone with eyes could see that she was already in love with one Tracy Martel. It didn’t help that she didn’t have any one-time things to temporarily make her forget about how fucking lonely she was during lockdown. And it absolutely did not make her feel better when Trixie told her that he was having tons of sex and Katya was having absolutely none. But after years of practice, she could choke back her real reaction for the camera and make herself feel happy for her friend. 

Really, the only person that wasn’t understanding what she was trying to do by ‘finding love’ was Trixie. But he supported her, of course he did, because he was beautiful and perfect and kind and everything Katya wanted- but he did still look a little confused whenever it was brought up. 

You would think that they would have been spending more time apart, but with their book interviews, UNHhhh back on, Red Scare, Katya’s EP, and the podcast, they really were doing more projects together than ever. And Katya loved it, really. But every time she had to leave Trixie she felt the pit in her stomach grow. 

Katya felt it now, sitting in front of a mirror in the world of wonder basement, getting in drag for UNHhhh. She and Trixie had to be in separate dressing rooms now, and she missed the closeness. She would see him on set, of course, but she wouldn’t get to reach over and grab his arm while she laughed, or hold his hand for just a little too long. Trixie was there, but Katya missed him. 

She knew it was stupid. She saw him so much more and missed him so much more. How the fuck does that make any sense? Then again, nothing about the whole situation made much sense anyways. Katya knew she had fallen hard long ago, but her feelings felt more overwhelming now than they did in the beginning. 

So, the only logical solution she could come up with was to fall in love with someone else. Well, maybe a more logical solution would be to like. Tell Trixie, face the rejection, and get over it, but that seemed far more terrifying and she was really not about to ruin her relationship with her favourite person. Not after all they’d been through. 

She finished her lipstick, and checked herself over in the mirror before grabbing her redbull and walking out onto set. 

Trixie and Pete chatted away, as Katya sat in her seat, still lost in her own head. She’d told Trixie she wanted to fuck him many, many times, but this was different. Love is not something they could laugh off or ignore quite so easily. 

She scrolled mindlessly through twitter, trying to distract herself from the weight on her chest, but Trixie’s voice pulled her away. 

“Are you ready to start?” 

Katya grinned and nodded, “Yep. What’s the-like-“ She flailed her arms trying to find the words she wanted to say. “What are we talking about?” 

“Falling in love.” Pete answered. 

Katya could feel her stomach turning, anxiety rising, but she was immediately set at ease and sent into wheezy laughter when the other queen began moaning loudly. “Love, oOOOoh, love uHh.” 

They fell into the normal routine of filming, with only mild discomfort and deflection on Katya’s part. 

After they wrapped, Trixie met Katya outside of her dressing room. Well, scared her outside of her dressing room. 

When she opened the door to find his face inches from hers her soul shot right out of her asshole, Mary. She told the bitch as much while Trixie screeched a laugh so loud Katya was certain the whole of Los Angeles could hear it. 

“You’re literally going to kill me, you rotten cunt! Christ.” 

“You’re right, I should be more considerate of your old age. You really could go any day now.” Katya let out a bark of laughter that turned into a hacking cough. After Trixie gave her a very pointed ‘see what i mean?’ stare, they both began to walk towards the exit. 

“Anyways, I came to make sure we were still good for the podcast tomorrow?” 

Ah yes, the podcast. The one where the guest was Trixie’s boyfriend. Who, honestly, she really liked as a person. As if that made her ongoing situation of being in love with her best friend any better. If anything, it made it worse, because if he was shitty maybe she would feel less guilty. 

The pause felt a little too long, and she felt that weight settle over her again, but she didn’t go to school for performance art for nothing, Barbara. She smiled a smile that she hoped met her eyes and replied in the affirmative. 

Apparently her superb acting skills were not enough for Trixie, because he reached out to brush her hand softly. 

“Brian. Are you okay? For real. You seem, like, out of it today.” The shift in Trixie’s tone made her stop. 

She smiled softly at her friend and squeezed his hand in reassurance. She looked at him straight in the eyes, matching his energy. “Yes. I'm okay, for real. I’m just-“ She averted her gaze and searched for a half-truth that would satisfy. And maybe something to make Trixie laugh. “Fuck I am so lonely and all of this talk about love is Not Helping Bitch.” She smacked him on the wrist three times to punctuate her words. 

Trixie laughed and pulled his arm away. “Ow! No wonder nobody wants to date you, you absolute rotted, grizzled corpse.” 

“Oh fuck off.” Katya wheezed out. “I tell you about my feelings and this is how you treat me?” 

Trixie rolled his eyes “Please, as if you can feel anything anymore.” 

Katya felt the weight on her chest lift slowly, as they continued on like this in their usual fashion; scathing insults and dirty jokes, eyes light and sparkling with mirth. 

As they headed out the door and went their separate ways, she reassured herself, not for the first time, that she could do this. She could love Trixie and be his best friend. She had been doing it for this long. And one day, hopefully soon, she could respond to Trixie’s friendly ‘I love you’ without it feeling like she was confessing something monumental. 

It’s not like it would be monumental to anyone but Trixie anyways. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> i love them :') 
> 
> thanks for reading! <3


End file.
